hi, im 16 and i have this problem going on. i do not know how to gain weight. i need to cause my doctor said i had to. right now im desperate cause this has been going on for a year and yet im at the same spot. im afraid of every meal. im terryfied cause sometimes i cant finish my food. could you please give me some advice? im really desperate. thank you.
◥		Anonymous

Welllll, hmmm. I’m no weight expert sweetling, but I’m actually kind of in the same boat as you. I may not be afraid of food, but my metabolism makes it impossible to gain weight, no matter how much I eat. So I’m not entirely sure how to go about gaining it either. Nothing I’ve ever done works.

BUT, things that seem to work well for other people is to try to balance eating right with exercising. Like, you don’t need to worry about finishing your meals for now, but just try to focus at the moment on eating healthy food that your body really needs (if you’re not sure what that means, try asking your doctor or someone else close to you who may know). And at the same time, try to maybe work out some? Because I know that would add some muscle mass, which would also add to your weight. Exactly what exercises you should do is again up to you and anyone around you who may know what to recommend, but that’s something at least looking into. :3

If you’re still not sure, and since your doctor said you had to, then maybe you could ask them what they recommend for going about that? Because they shouldn’t leave you floundering in the dark like this. Food is not the enemy though, I can guarantee that. Food is good for you, even food with fat. It’s all about moderation, really. As long as you’re not living off of fattening food, then really, it’s alright to eat what you want when you want it, and just trying to keep track of your nutrients at the same time. If you pair that up with exercise of some kind, then you should find your body balancing at its healthy weight soon enough. :]

I really need someones opinion on this please, and I feel like I have no one to talk to about this. I will write it in two questions, because it's too long, I hope it's okay. We have this group of friends, and I'm the only one invited to an event in a couple of weeks. One of the girls in the group is kind of mad at him, without him knowing, because they were close friends as kids. I was planning on going with another friend, but as I mentioned it for my friend group, she got really grumpy. xx PJ
◥		Anonymous

PJ again.. She said she couldn’t believe I was planning on going, when he (the host and old friend) had been so mean to her, with not inviting her. I never really thought it had something to do with her, so ofc I was planning on going. And now I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna hurt her on purpose, but at the same time I think it’s lame, that I can’t go to a party because she’s not invited. And yearh, it’s just a party, but she is one of those types who will control you, if you let her. xoxo

Sure love, no worries! I hope I can help somehow. <3

Well, if I was in your situation, firstly, I would just go to the party anyway. It’s not your fault at all that you were invited and she wasn’t, and if she has a problem with it, she needs to take it up with him, not you. Secondly, I would talk with her and tell her so, along with telling her that it’s wrong for her to guilt you like this and try to keep you from going just because she’s being childish. And, if she doesn’t understand and handle it in a mature manner, I would seriously start to reconsider my friendship with her. True, she’s in a group of friends you’re in and it could be messy to do that.. but there are subtle ways to do it so that you still spend as little time around her as possible, so that you don’t need to deal with that kind of crap. Someone like that is just poisonous to keep around, and the less time you spend with her the better.

But give her the benefit of the doubt first. Definitely say something to her. Tell her she’s being silly (ridiculous even), and that it has nothing to do with you if you go or not, and she needs to take it up with him if she wants to sort things out. Honestly, she should have just accepted it from the start and let it go.. but clearly that’s not an option. But give her a chance to do it and to apologize to you, and maybe you can let it go for a little while longer. But keep your eyes on her in the future. If she did this once, she’ll only do it again, and as I said, someone like that is just poisonous to keep in your life.

I wish you luck sweetling, and I hope this gets resolved soon!

Why am I not allowed to have an opinion? I was attacked on FB b/c I made a general statement about being annoyed w/ society & girls getting pregnant @ my age & younger (I'm 20) &my now ex best friend (who is older than me & preggo) attacked me saying I'm ignorant & more immature than those preggo girls. How? I stated a general statement not targeting anyone &I'm the ignorant one? I'm not preggo & ALWAYS use protection. & it's throwing me back into my depression (I'm clinically depressed as well)
◥		Anonymous

I’m sorry that it’s affecting you this badly, hon, first off. :(

But, of course you’re allowed to have an opinion! The only problem is, on the internet, no matter what the opinion is or where you post it, there’s the likelihood of being attacked for it. I think she took it too far in insulting you like that when you were just being general and stating a thought, but it may have struck a chord in her as well, so all in all it’s just a bad situation. I’m sorry that happened to you. :(

The best I can suggest is defending yourself (if you haven’t yet said anything) by saying that hey, it’s your opinion on your own facebook, you didn’t invite her to come and harass you just by stating your opinion, and you don’t appreciate the hostility she just threw your way. If she was open to intelligently discussing the matter, that would be different, but she’s not, so her rude words are not welcome, and for her to please knock it off and not do it again.

You can actually say all that. You can even point out that it’s triggering you back into a dark state of yours, and that you really don’t want to *and* can’t afford to do that so if she could do as you asked and back off that would be great. Because, if your mental health is at stake, that is always what must be defended first. No matter what the issue is. No one deserves to be pushed or triggered back into depression.

I’m still sorry this had to happen to you love. Some people just aren’t good at handling opposing opinions in smart ways.

I feel like me and my friend are drifting apart from each other and coming to the point where it feels to me like we're strangers again. I don't know what to do. Should I tell her that I don't want to be friends anymore or just not say anything to her at all?
◥		Anonymous

It’s funny you should ask me that now, love; I feel like the exact same thing is happening with a couple of my own friends.

And, honestly, what I suggest is that you just don’t say anything to her. I’m not quite sure exactly how to go about it myself, truth be told, but I think that would be the least painful way to go about it. Typically, when friends grow apart and neither tries to do anything to repair it, it’s a mutual understanding that the friendship is over and nothing needs to be said.

Now, if she was really pressing to still be friends, or was doing something to annoy or offend you, *then* you’d have to say something. But since it seems to be mutual and unspoken here that you two have just drifted apart, and that’s all there is to it, I don’t think you need to speak up.

I hope it doesn’t bother you too much, hon. Losing friendships is always a little sour. But hey, at least that makes room in the future for new ones, yes? :]

I was raped starting about a year ago, and the guy who did it dropped out from my college recently so i finally get some piece of mind since I can get away from him. I've confessed to him that I didn't want to have sex, and he blamed me for not saying anything. Recently though, I've been feeling really empty and upset all the time. It's like I got so use to him texting me to meet up that I feel like something's missing now that I have nothing to be anxious over. I have no idea what to do.
◥		Anonymous

Hmmmm. Well, I do know that the very first thing I want to say is that it wasn’t your fault. Consent is a very clear, very enthusiastic “yes.” It isn’t the lack of saying no. So many people seem to have problems understanding this. But please, I do hope you believe me when I say it’s not your fault.

As for what to do.. I think that emptiness you’re feeling is you not knowing what to do with yourself now that you aren’t in any kind of immediate danger. It’s your body and your mind not being able to go to the relaxed, peaceful state you were in before, because you were so used to him contacting you to get together, like you said.

All I can think of to get rid of that, and to try to ease yourself back into feeling okay again, is to try to get back into some of the things you loved before. Try to immerse yourself in any hobby of yours that you love, or get together with friends you trust, or just anything that you can do that might reconnect your mind again with that ease of day to day living. I’m not positive that that’ll work - trying to talk about it with close friends you can trust with this could do you some good as well, keeping it in is never a good thing - but, it at least won’t hurt to try. It won’t do you any harm to give it a shot.

I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that, love. Absolutely nobody deserves to be raped, no matter who they are. :[

But I’m so glad you finally have a chance to reconnect with yourself again. <3

So I like this guy, and he likes me. And I would be completely open to dating him...except he and his friend group are really close. And I love all the people in his friend group...but I'm just not "one of them". When I told him that he really didn't get what I was saying, I don't really know what to do.
◥		Anonymous

Hmmm, well, you don’t have to be one of them right from the start. I understand exactly how that can upset you, and how you’d want to be one of them, but that’s likely something that you’ll just have to grow into and slowly become as you date him, rather than just something that you are right from the beginning. And that’s okay! Early relationships aren’t about how well you get along with the other person’s friends or family. They’re about how well you get along with each other. In the beginning, that is easily the most important thing, since that’s when everything starts to build up for the future and the time for you to grow close and know each other and just enjoy the ride.

And hey, along the way, you could find yourself becoming one of his friends in his group more and more, or if you don’t, you would find it much easier to explain the situation to him, and it would be much easier for him to understand it. Right now, there’s still that disconnect and he still doesn’t really understand. And that’s okay. You’re just not to that point yet.

So why not give dating him a shot and see where it takes you? I see no reason why you wouldn’t be included in his friend group as time goes on. And if not, well hey, at least you have more of a place to talk to him about it then, and at least he’ll be a lot more likely to see where you’re coming from. Truthfully, I see no reason why you shouldn’t still try to give it a chance. :]

Just be patient, okay love? Don’t try to rush or force anything. Just let the relationships happen in their own good time; things are more than likely to play out the way you want them to if you just let them happen as they will happen. :3

What is sex like?
◥		Anonymous

Sex.. ah man, I’ve never had to describe it before, let’s see what I can say.

It’s like a purely physical high. For me, it is the highest and best of ways that I can show my love for another human being. It is proof of my utmost trust and height of emotion. But that is not the case for all. Sex means different things for different people. For me, it means something that can only be done with someone I feel intimate enough to do it with. But it doesn’t need to be that way for everyone, and that is okay. Whether you can only do it with one person, have only done it with people you share relationships with, or can do it with anyone you find attractive, it is perfectly okay, as long as nobody is coming to any harm out of it.

What it feels like.. it’s electric. It’s full of a combination of raw lust and passion. It’s tension, anticipation, and those sweet, sweet moments of relief. It’s losing yourself in the feeling, the pure pleasure, and no longer being able to form coherent thoughts because of it, and absolutely loving it. It’s becoming one with another person. It’s emotion in physical form. Not necessarily love.. it depends on what you have sex for. But, definitely, emotion.

And yet, it is indescribable. It is something you can only imagine until you feel for yourself. It is something I can only try to mold into something understandable, but something words cannot truly do justice for.

One day, when the moment is right, since I assume you have not yet, you’ll experience it for yourself. And then, you’ll understand exactly what it is I’m trying to say. <3

do you have any advice on heartbreak? I don't know what to do, I really need help...
◥		Anonymous

I do. <3 It may not sound simple, and I may not be eloquent in saying it, but I’ve yet to find a better way of dealing with heartbreak than the one I know of.

The best thing you can do, sweetling, is do everything you can to remove them from your life until any feelings you still have are long gone. If you want to still be friends, that’s fine, but not until you can think about them and your heart no longer flutters. Until that happens, you really need to try to avoid them at all costs.

And by avoid them, I mean.. defriend them from your buddy lists, remove them from your phone, get rid of any method you have of contacting them. Even go so far as to block them, so that they can’t send you anything and surprise you and leave you with feelings coming flooding back, and to completely remove temptation to check up on them. Get rid of any physical reminders you have laying around, and either hide them somewhere where you won’t accidentally find them, or completely throw them away. Change your daily routine, if you have to, to avoid coming face-to-face with them. Just, seriously, do everything you have to to completely erase them from your life so you can move on as quickly and painlessly as possible.

The reason why you do this, is because that way, the only triggers that may spark old feelings are entirely in your mind, which you have far more control over than you would over unexpected physical triggers. They’re impossible to entirely avoid, even when purely mental.. but they’re much easier to deal with, and much easier to move on from, when it’s just them by themselves.

It’s okay if it’s not possible to do that in its entirety, like if you share classes or share the same friends or anything like that. That will just make the process a little bit more difficult and take a little bit longer. But, it’s still nothing you can’t handle. <3 Any time I’ve had to get over anyone, this avoidance method is what I’ve used, and it works like a complete charm. Try to go along with it as much as it’s possible for you to, and I think you’ll find yourself moving on and thinking less about them and more about the life that’s ahead of you much faster than you expect. <3 

Anonymous asked:

My boyfriend broke up with me the last day of school before spring break and now there’s school tomorrow and i sit by him in all of my classes aside from two and I’m extremely nervous. Any help would be greatly appreciated please and thank you :)

Hmmm.. if you think it’s possible to, then definitely think about explaining the situation to your teachers and asking if it’s okay to switch seats with someone else. That way, that can be the end of it, and you still avoid contact with him as much as you can manage, which is what you need to be working towards right now, especially with a breakup so fresh. (I’m really sorry about that, by the way. :( )

But since there is a possibility that your teachers will say no - or if you don’t even want to ask in the first place - then you need to be prepared to put on a brave face and face your ex and say, hey, I realize that you had your reasons for leaving me, but I can’t pretend to not be hurt, and in order to move on from this I want to try to keep my distance from you as much as I can, but as long as we share classes that is impossible, so let’s just finish this year professionally and with as little drama as possible.. and just try to be as neutral and as polite with him as you can until those classes are over, and try to get him to do the same. It may be awkward, but awkward is by far more ideal than rude or confused. Neither of you need to be nice to each other, honestly. But you don’t need to be mean either. Just nice and neutral, and tolerating each other for as long as you have to until you don’t have to anymore.

Or at least, say something along those lines. :] You’ll be nervous, I know. I don’t expect you to be as clear-headed about it as I am - I’m not emotionally involved at all. But, even if you stumble, you’ll be perfectly fine, and if you handle it as best as you can manage, then that’s all you can do, and just hope for the best. You can’t control how he’ll react, but if you do your best to try what I suggested, I really see no reason why it wouldn’t go well. :]

Good luck to you, sweetling. <3 It won’t be easy to say. But it’ll spare you from so much unnecessary hurt and spite while waiting for this school year to finish. You’ll thank yourself in the future, I promise.

I love your blog. just wanted to tell you :3
◥		Anonymous

Awww well thank you! :D <3