The inspirational, helpful and advice-giving messages of reasons to love being alive, in an effort to keep the main page more organized, and less detracting from the reasons themselves.

From January 1st, 2013 onward, instead of being moved to the messages archive, all messages sent and answered here will be kept here. Any sent in 2012 or earlier will still be viewable in the archive.

AS OF JUNE 2014:
There are now two admins running this blog!
One is still regular old me [Jen], and the other is Luke, my much beloved boyfriend and someone I absolutely trust in helping people alongside me in the same quality as I do.

Click here if you'd like to learn more about him! If you want to specify which of us you'd like to answer your message, all you have to do is ask. ♥


Lovely People Visiting
reasons to love being alive: the advice
I feel like my own cousin is ignoring me because I bother her too much or whatever. I feel like I just want to tell me the truth if I'm bothering anything. I just don't want to feel ignored because it hurts and just makes me want to cry. I sometimes wish her life and everyone else's life would be better if we didn't meet or if I wasn't born. I just don't know what to do.
Anonymous

First off let me say that I know that feeling, heavily, so I’m not just talking as a purely outside party. I know what it’s like to feel ignored by friends and family, and I also know what it’s like to feel like other peoples’ lives would be easier without you.

And let me tell you; that is simply not the case. Sometimes we may feel like we’re being a huge bother to those close to us, but it’s not true. Has the cousin in question said anything to make you think or feel that way? If not, would talking to her clear anything up? … I know it may be difficult to approach her with how you’re feeling, but it may actually help things by way of making you feel more at ease about it all. I’m sure she isn’t meaning to make you feel that way - and honestly I don’t believe that your other loved ones feel that way either. It’s sometimes very nice to get reassurances that you aren’t, even if the feeling of being a ‘burden’ is there for no reason; I’m sure they aren’t meaning to ignore you on purpose. They may not even realize they’re doing it either.

No matter what though, Jen and I, and this blog, will always be here for you - and anyone else for that matter. I would very much like to hear back from you about this anon, so do come back, ok? I care, as does Jen - you will never, ever be a burden to us and I want you to know that. <3

- Luke

Do I need to have a flat stomach to wear a bikini? I'm quite chubby and at the beach I usually wear a tank top and shorts. I don't know if 'fat' girls are meant to wear bikinis.
Anonymous

Absolutely not, my dear! Anybody of any body type whatsoever can wear anything they like. This includes fat girls and bikinis.

If you want to wear it, then by all means find one that you love and rock the shit out of it. <3

Don’t concern yourself with what’s flattering and what’s not, with what people say and think, with what ‘goes with your body type’.. nothing at all like that. You find something you like at a store, you would love to buy it, you would absolutely adore wearing it, then, fuck! Get it! Wear it and be gorgeous! There is no such thing as ‘body type.’ Fuck ‘flattering.’ Fat isn’t even a bad thing. It’s just a way to be. It’s just a descriptor. Be fat and wear what you want. You would look stunning, and I’d be cheering for you all the way. :)

I feel so alone. I have friends but I feel like they don't want me to be in their group. They make plans without me and talk about in front of me like I'm not there, then they'll be all 'it was so much fun' and brag. It makes me so sad and I hate how I'm feeling.
Anonymous

First of all sweetheart, this has been sitting in my inbox for far too long and I’m so sorry you’ve been waiting this long for an answer. I’ve had so much going on in my own life, but I don’t feel like that’s much of an excuse.

But, truthfully, if those kind of people are the ones you call friends, then it seems to me like you’d be better off with no friends at all. And no, that’s not one bit sad or pathetic. It’s *healthy*. Having no friends is much healthier than having friends who do everything to bring you down and ruin your self esteem.

If I were you, I would just stop talking to them. Stop communicating period. Ignore their messages or texts or phone calls. Start defriending them and removing their contact info one by one. Even block them if you like. Really, you’ll start to feel so much better after just doing that. You may still feel alone, but at least then you won’t feel put down.

Once your slate is clean from toxic people, then you can start putting yourself out there for new friends. Be in public a lot. Chat with people you see doing things that pique your interest. Make a lot of small talk. Send messages to people who interest you in the same sort of way online - Tumblr is an amazing place to make new friends. Small steps. Anything at all like that. You can’t force new, healthy friendships to happen, but when they do happen, oh you’ll know.

It really does work, too. I have no friends in person anymore at all. Every single one was toxic to me. I used to have.. oh.. maybe 20? Now, none. Nobody. Every one of my friends now is online. And all of them I met through Tumblr. I even met my now-boyfriend on Tumblr. Just through blogging naturally, and small, simple messages to start off with.

And I can tell you with complete confidence that I have never loved any of my friends before as much as I do now, and I have never been so comfortable and happy with the crowd I keep. It really changes your life, love. I highly recommend you keep your chin up and take the first step to do it.

Hello~

So I see the lovely Jen has made me co-moderator of this wonderful blog!

First and foremost, I want to thank her for letting me help you all, along with herself. I feel incredibly honored. (:

My name is Luke, and she described me pretty well, actually. I’ve never been the best at that. However, I will always try to help people in need, whether I’ve known them for years or just however long it takes to answer an ask. I can’t stand not helping someone who asks for it - because I’ve been there, and I know what it’s like to feel alone.

I think this will be a great way to put that instinct to good use. [: I hope you can trust me as easily as you’ve trusted Jen all these years, because I can promise you, my replies will never be an ounce of warmth less than hers. On that, you have my word.

~ Luke

I have an announcement to make!

On here, the advice blog, I have decided to accept a co-moderator to help me answer peoples’ asks.

This is because I am not always mentally in the best place myself to help other peoples’ problems, and I don’t want to keep feeling guilty or potentially hurting people by making them wait until I am.

His name is Luke, he is a 26-year-old guy and the most wonderful man I have ever met. In less than a week he is coming to visit me for the first time (see this post on my personal for an explanation), and we are planning on making our relationship official once we meet in person.

I love him for good reason. He is empathetic, compassionate, kind, understanding, and will bend over backwards to help people feel better and find the right path to follow no matter how well he knows them. I absolutely trust him in helping me to help people.

Treat him exactly as you do me. <3 For your knowledge: he is 26, male and a PoC; I am a 24-year-old white female, and we both have OCD, anxiety, and depression; I have severe sexual assault in my background, he has substance abuse and severe suicidal tendencies in his. I am pansexual. He is bisexual. We are both cisgender, and have both had severe body acceptance and self esteem issues.

If you want one of us specifically to answer your messages, you only need to ask for either Luke, or Jen. <3

Luke’s personal blog: [blue-strife.tumblr.com]
Jen’s personal blog: [just-another-nerdygirl.tumblr.com]

I just wanted to get this off my chest, I feel like I can't tell anyone but you but I think I am becoming bulimic, I've been making myself vomit for the past week every evening after dinner. I want to stop but I can't because I HAVE to lose weight.
Anonymous

Sweetheart ): I’m so sorry if I can’t help very well, I’ve been dealing with huge anxiety issues of my own but I swear I’ll do my best <3

First off I’m so glad you could tell me. That was an immensely brave thing to do and I’m so proud of you. <3

Secondly.. you want to stop. That is HUGE. That you actually want to stop. That’s the very first step you need to take, especially while it’s so soon. If you feel like you HAVE to lose weight, then do it in the healthy way. You DO need food. That is a necessity. You must eat still. You can watch WHAT it is you eat, but you must still eat normal amounts. Constant food (albeit maybe *different* food, that’s still nourishing and nutritious), and reasonable exercise. I recommend joining a gym, and speaking with a trainer? Say that you want to lose weight, and do it in the healthiest way possible. They’ll come up with amazing suggestions for you, I’m sure, much better than I can.

But please keep in mind sweetheart, you don’t NEED to. Do it because you WANT to. Do it because you yourself have the desire to, but because you feel it’s required. And please, please please please stay healthy while doing it. If your body CANNOT lose any more weight, please listen to it. Fat is not the enemy here. Fat is not a bad thing. Fat is a bodily necessity. Food is not the enemy either. Just, pay attention to your body, take care of it, do not punish or harm it, and listen to what it’s telling you. Its purpose is to keep you alive. Don’t keep it from doing its job by depriving it of food or over-exercising. If it needs you to eat, you EAT. If it needs you to rest, REST. If it cannot lose any more weight whatsoever without becoming harmful, do not force it to do so. Just be healthy. Promise me, however you go about it, you’ll be safe about it. <3

So my best friend is gay and i never had a problem with it. but other people at our school are giving him a hard time, still he does his best to stay positive. Recently he told me about how he wants to go the school dance with his boyfriend and maybe he even wants to wear a dress. I mean i still have no problem with it...but the others. I feel like a bad friend, because i am too weak to stand up for him (i've been bullied for years) and i'm scared that the others will do something to him :(
Anonymous

Hmmm.. what I would do, if I was in your situation, is maybe gather a group of friends to kind of be their bodyguards? You don’t have to do it yourself, all on your own. But I think trying to get at least one other person to defend them with you will make standing up for him a *much* easier thing to do. I understand you completely; doing that kind of thing yourself, even if you *do* feel brave, is a very hard thing to do. So try to recruit someone else, at least one other person, to do it with you. :3

Otherwise.. I’m not sure if they would help at all, or make things worse, but maybe tell some adults who would be there and able to interfere, or who have power over things in some other way? What you need here is protection, since you’re not going to be able to stop the kids from being cruel. So just.. any kind of additional, dependable protection you can get, would be an amazing thing to at least try to do.

I hope it works, sweetie. Nobody should be afraid to go with who they want to go with and wear what they want to a school dance. ):

My best friend in the world started dating my ex... At first I told her it was fine and stuff because I had a boyfriend, but now I'm just scared because my boyfriend's starting to act weird and I've been talking to her boyfriend a little. Not flirting or anything but I'm just so scared and I'm afraid to talk to anyone about it...
Anonymous

Hmmm.. well sweetie, there are two things I think you might wanna do here.

First off, stop talking to your ex/your best friend’s boyfriend now, any more often than you have to. You don’t need to cut off contact with him completely, but before things get weird at all or before anything else even threatens to happen, just cut off anything besides what’s purely necessary. You don’t need that threatening to make things difficult for you.

And secondly.. talk with your boyfriend about his acting weird. Ask him what’s wrong, if he has any problems, if he wants to talk about it, to at least tell you what the base of it is so you know how to act about it. You won’t know until he tells you, and likely he won’t tell you until you ask him. It would be best to try to nip any problems that may arise there in the bud as well.

Don’t be scared, okay sweetie? You aren’t *required* to talk to your ex, and you can fix whatever may be wrong with your boyfriend. Just be confident, and assertive, and distance yourself where you need to and be there for the rest, and you ought to be just fine. <3

Its your arranged marriage anon here. I've decided to stay with him. As much as it hurts me to do so. Problems arose with my ex boyfriend's family and his personal life. My husband may have come across some of my texts with my ex regarding running away and he gave me a warning, "Don't continue." I hope you're doing great :)
Anonymous

Hey sweetheart! <3

Oh really! Well, as long as you’re totally sure and you and your ex are completely accepting of the situation, and you won’t regret anything in the future. You know? Just as long as you’re okay with it and it’s what you feel is right. Then I can’t say a word against it. <3

I’m really sending you good luck thoughts now, then, in that case. <33 For your sake, I hope he never touches you in ways you don’t want him to ever again. I hope the rest of your life will end on a much happier note than how it began.

I’m doing well enough myself, all things considered. :] Nothing I can complain about at all when I look at everyone else around me. So I’m doing just fine! I just worry about you. My thoughts are with you, love, I hope you stay safe and happy, for always! <3

i hate myself im really ugly and no one gives a shit about me
Anonymous

Well sweetheart, I can immediately prove you wrong with at least one thing you just said.

*I* give a shit about you. <3

And, I can assure you. There is no such thing as an ugly person. Not physically. People can have ugly hearts and ugly souls, which by extension poisons the rest of them, but ugly exteriors? Never. <3 And don’t you EVER believe a soul who tries to tell you otherwise. You are you, nobody can be as you as you are, you are gorgeous, you are unique, and you most definitely. Have never. Been. Ugly.

As for hating yourself.. I really hope that can change in time, sweetling. <3 You’re a wonderful, amazing, lovely human being, and I see no reason for someone like you to deserve hate. What I can promise that you do deserve, is happiness. Nothing but the purest happiness life can give, and if you find yourself wishing you could have it, well, you know, that is the very first step, and already you’re on the way towards feeling clearer. :] Follow or visit positive, recovery-based, pro-self esteem blogs, and surround yourself with what they have to say everywhere possible. Maybe let out the deep and dirty thoughts of why you feel the way you do to someone you trust, or even anonymously online to some advice blog somewhere. Look in your mirror, look yourself in the eye, and smile, and and just remind yourself how gorgeous the face looking back at you is.

It’s a very long and very bumpy road. I’ve been on it myself.. trust me.. I know how difficult it can be. But do I doubt your ability to do it?

Not in the slightest. <3